oh, but this is wonderful

NewMexiCan has posted this video of a professor's warning to a student who stole his laptop. Skip ahead to 48:40 or so, though the rest of the lecture is pretty interesting, too.

Rachel & TRP - now we just need to get jobs as consultants.

By the way, I've just brewed a perfect pot of coffee.

running in place

The weather is very transitional this afternoon. A thunderstorm will break soon, probably sometime late this afternoon, so at times the air is cooler and the sky grey. At others the sun bursts back through the clouds and the birds get loud again. Something must be blooming, because the wind blowing in smells terrific. I love spring.

Very little progress of any sort by the lemming of late.

- Still no bathtub plug but I promise to visit a big-box hardware store soon.

- The end of the semester is nigh, which means another round of plagarists who are baffled that I can spot them so quickly. (Hint: when a B student starts talking about obscure political terms unrelated to the class, that's a good sign.)

- A friend took me out to lunch yesterday at the big downtown Indy mall. Though I managed to get there without incident, my innate inability to navigate meant that I had a tour of greater (and not so great) downtown before finding home. I though the streets named after states only ran east-west: oops. I did manage to stay in the right general area, which I suppose counts as progress of a sort.

- The advisor (may he live forever) is not happy with my latest written work. That is to say, he likes the ideas, but the execution isn't what he had in mind. I'd revise and give him rapid turn-around, except that there are papers of my own to be graded, and I'm being paid for rapid turn-around. I am getting lots of thank-yous from students which is always nice.

Speaking of which, a former student, now living in New Zealand, has offered to name a sheep after me. Compliment? I hope so.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-eight

the quest is the quest

I seek a plug for the bathtub drain. This seemed an easy errand, and I simply tacked "plug" onto the grocery list. Four stores later, I'm still looking.

I've discovered all sorts of really neat bathroom gadgets along the way through: special holders, designed to hold one toothbrush or one razor, a day-glo blue plexiglass toilet seat cover (very futuristic), all sorts of different baskets and bins to hold soap, contact supplies, bathroom cleaning agents, and magazines.

It's excitment enough to make me want to redecorate the bathroom, but still wouldn't solve the plug problem.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-nine, and miles to go before I sleep
Books on floor: eleven

Book Meme

Hugh at Three Bed Two Bath tossed this Meme my way - so here goes.

You are stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book would you be?

I've already got most of Pride and Prejudice memorized, so I'd probably brush up on that, while dedicating most of my efforts toward memorizing A Mid Wife's Tale by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. Probably lots of people would pick Jane Austen, so having some Ulrich around would be helpful. My memory just isn't strong enough to learn, say, a Shelby Foote Civil War book, or any of the volumes of Notable American Women.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Quite a few Victoria Holt heroes have caught my fancy over the years, yes... * blush *

What is the last book you bought?

Last book I bought or last I book read? (I assume that this means "books read voluntarily" as opposed to "books I enjoyed but wouldn't have picked up were they not dissertation useful.)

I've a pile of books that are "in progress" on my desk. The only one not diss-related is The Memory of All That the memoirs of Betsy Blair, aka the first Mrs. Gene Kelly, who became a Marxist and activist with a large FBI file. Last academic book read was a survey of domestic violence in American History. It has a rather disturbing cover and elicited a lot of curious looks. (Then again, I elicit a lot of curious looks anyway, even without a book in my hands...)

The last book that I purchased was Where the Bodies Are, a book about graveyards. It proved useful for killing a spider.

Five books you would take to a deserted island

Do the Harry Potter books count as one volume if I bring the boxed set?
the Shelby Foote Civil War triology
A Mid Wife's Tale
A Bible, probably the King James for the beauty of the language
a copy of the dissertation, so that I can make corrections, ammendments, alterations in peace

I'd probably also try to sneak a copy of Swiss Family Robinson along. Their shipwrecked time is handled with such grace and improbable good fortune, plus I might get some useful survival tips. Wait, if the diss isn't done it doesn't count as a book, right? So it can just be something I throw in the life raft alongside Sam.

Lesse, I get to throw this meme to three others? (ponders blog cross-over options) Rachel, Drewster and Steven.

words written: lots, but not enough - must have into in by 4
lessons graded: zero

I speak for the trees

I'm very fond of Jared, the Subway spokesman. A college classmate of mine turns up on a lot of commercials, mostly as a "damsel in distress" whose life is made instantly better by the product. Both of these folks have student loans to pay and I say, more power to them.

Did Mandy Patinkin really need to start hawking cholesterol-reducing medication?

The advisor (may he live forever) loves Roger's idea. We tweaked it a little yesterday, and now I have a lot of writing to do and a book or two to reread; he'd like to see the new introduction tomorrow afternoon.

My students are not going to like this.

Words Written: eight hundred and six
Lessons Graded: zero

coming up tulips

The first tulips bloomed today, a long line of them.

The mystery plants that I dug out of the neighbors' sandbox also thrive, which excites me no end. I must see about transplanting them sometime soon - I odn't know what size pot they need, but I'm sure they'll be happier in the ground. Still no blooms, so for all I know they're chives or prairie grass, but it's been a fun experiment in gardening.

I'm really hoping that Daylight Saving Time gets adopted today in the Indiana state legislature, even though I'd have preferred that we adopt Central Time as our zone. I still don't understand the argument that we shouldn't pick a time zone and stick with it because it won't accomplish anything. If nothing else, it will standardize television listings - right now you have to remember which networks think we're on Eastern in the summer and which ones think we're on Central.

Words Written: nine hundred or so (needs editing)
Lessons Graded: nineteen
Books on Floor: seven, not counting The Memory of All That

spare a thought

I've blogged before about one of the strongest students I'll ever have. Please spare him a thought today, as he started basic training this morning. I had an e-mail from him this week mentioning that he'd been working on push-ups and feared how the first week would go.

Words Written: zero - been reading things Roger gave me
Lessons Graded: zero

Yet another dissertation post

Sorry, here's yet another dissertation post. I'm obsessed these days, and finally making the progress I really wanted to make years ago.

Roger, one of my academic siblings who has managed to actually (gasp!) graduate, was in town yesterday. What I thought would be an hour of coffee and light conversation turned into three+ hours in which we broke my dissertation chapters down into sections and then into ideas and came up with a new way to structure the whole thing. Plus we outlined a new introduction that pulls in new material.

Did I mention that, in addition to being smart, kind, funny and devestatingly attractive, Roger knows #3? (laughter) The new idea is designed to thwart some of #3's objections; we also came up with a list of books that support the new approach. I now have until Tuesday morning to write the intro, mock up the new structure, and present it to my advisor (may he live forever.)

I don't like this new plan. It's not what I wanted to write. Roger pointed out that "want" is not what the dissertation process is about. I must write about a topic I enjoy, but in a way that the four PhDs want. I don't like it, but I can live with it, and it will probably be easier to write this way. It also means that Chapter Two could become an article, a thing much to be desired.

For all of you who wondered why so many professors are bitter and nasty, I think I may have the answer.

Words Written: (deep breath - here comes the plunge)
Lessons Graded: zero

happenstance

I've been revising today. Mid-afternoon, a large spider scuttled across my toes and stopped next to the trash can. Without thinking, I picked up the nearest book and threw it on top of said spider, crushing it. To my amusement, the nearest book turned out to be Where the Bodies Are, a guide to finding "rich, famous and Interesting" grave sites throughout America.

That's sites by the way, not cites.

Words Written: I'm in the eight hundreds
Lessons Graded: fifteen

little things

My daffodils bloomed yesterday afternoon, around 3 PM. Despite my inadequacies as a gardener, they survived the winter and looks fantastic. Happy happy

I'm quite partial to Rachel's latest student blooper. Yesterday, one of my students, who frequently forgets to cite his quotations, started writing about the many important historic cites in Virginia, such as Monticello and Gettysburg. No, not one of the better lessons, but it amused me, which is almost as good. I don't mind the C students as long as they're trying their best, and he clearly is. Maybe I should go back to calling them quotations again.

One of the faculty who showed up to my presentation two Fridays ago turned out to have a particularly great intuitive understanding of what I'm trying to do - plus is very funny and easy-going. I'll call this person #42. When #42 learned that a Chapter Two existed, great interest was expressed in reading it. "I'll be at a conference this week, but please send it along and I'll get to it as soon as I can." Having slogged through #3's comments (all of them critical) I'm looking forward to seeing #42's comments, whenever they arrive.

I should explain my comment dependency and fixation: I'm an extrovert, very strongly so. I figure ideas out by talking through them with other people. Sitting by myself in front of the computer, day after day, may be the traditional writing method, but it drives me bonkers. Having other people who can read what I've written and offer ideas is exactly what I need. Then I can sit by myself in front of the computer again.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: twenty or so

a house, a home

I have a favorite house on the route Sam and I take each day. In the beginning, I liked it because it was obvious no one lived there, or had for a long time. Someone kept the grass trimmed and the flowerbeds weeded, this being suburbia and all, but the bushes grew ever higher.

The fact that the rooms were devoid of furniture and quite dusty supported this theory, too. (Of course I looked in the windows!)

Me being me, I made up stories to fit the house: a ghost frightened everyone away, madwoman in the attic, heirs fighting over an estate, meth lab that had contaminated the whole property.

About a year ago, I started to notice activity, but only on the weekends and evenings. Someone cut down the gigantic pine tree out front (took two weekends and several evenings) and turnd it into sawdust. The very ugly front door was replaced by something pretty. At this point a neighbor drew me into conversation. She had no idea why the house stood empty for so long without a For Sale sign, but we agreed that the house and yard looked much better.

Late in the summer, the owner had a painting party - paint cans all over the front porch, friends laughing and waving brushes and beer bottles. Boxes for new appliances stood next to the trash cans. The owner made lots of little changes in the fall and winter, but with warm weather he's completed the landscaping and planted grass on the bare patches. When Sam and I walked by today, he was sitting outside, having a beer with a friend, talking about the baseball season opener.

Once so dead, the whole place now looks terrifically alive.

Words Written: one hundred and six
Lessons Graded: too many, but most pretty good

the memory of all that

I remember that I was small - maybe 7? - and I saw the cover of a magazine - maybe Time - with John Paul I, in state. Someone at church, probably a convert, explained that the pope was dead, but that the new pope would carry on his name.

I am no longer a child, and now there will be a new pope. I wish I could remember who offered that explanation all these years ago.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-nine

roots

Kermit the Frog hatched in the swamp. He then followed his dreams to Hollywood and became a television and movie star.

Which swamp? Where? Does Kermit call Florida home? Lousiana? I assume that he's from the East just because he and Fozzie take such a long road trip, and it includes the Rocky Mountains.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: three

creep, crawl, climb

Spring is creeping in. I like Spring because I can see, surprise surprise, progress.

Sam had a near-perfect day yesterday. The sun shone, which meant a good long sunbathe on the patio. The mailman delievered a package, so Sam could indulge in a good, long bark. Then the Precocious Neighbor Child came by, and scratched his ears for a good half hour. The evening stayed warm, which meant open windows, which meant lying beneath them at the perfect angle to catch each scent and noise until his nose and ears quivered with joy.

Today it is grey and chilly, so he's napping indoors on the sofa.

Comments from #3 on Chapters One and Two arrived today and my advisor (may he live forever) says that he's put Chapter one with his comments in the mail. I have about a month until the microfilm needed for Chapter Three arrives, so I should be revising. Well, that's theory, anyway.

Words Written: not yet
Lessons Graded: twelve

deep cleansing breath

Sory about yesterday's angry post, everyone. I stumbled across a web site (a really terrific one, by the way) that it turns out a lot of my students have been using. I don't mind that they use it, I mind when they copy it and submit the site's words as their own work. Hence the large number of Fs yesterday. The juxtaposition of their cheating with my own struggle to get the diss done so that I can go on teaching wasn't a plesant one.

Then of course I did my blogroll and read about the foolish girl whose name is now well-known for trying to get someone to write her paper. (Is this story real, or yet another case of the Internet pulling our collective leg?)

Now I'm calmer. One of my favorite historians has just come out with a new book. Most of his works have the kind of titles and covers that are best read in private, as they tend to attract odd stares. Luckily this one has a calmer title and a nice picture of a house on the front. Maybe he's mellowing with age.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: fifteen

to the plagarists

Four years of undergrad tuition: $25, 000 times 4
Four years of classwork tuition: $18, 000 x 4
several years beyond that while I write: $800+ per semester

That's not figuring what I spend on books, photocopies, diet coke, etc.

In my entire academic career, I have lied exactly once: I fudged a footnote on my undergraduate honors thesis, but I corrected it before the thesis went to the archives.

I read all of my own books and write my own papers, however silly the assignment. I've fought to bring excellence to the classroom. I assign books that are worthwhile, the best on the topic. I burn midnight oil to give students the most helpful advice I can. Though I may grade 50 or more lessons in a day, I read each with care and concern.

You say you're busy? I worked my way through college and my way through grad school. I passed or failed on my own merits. In short, I have worked my ass off to earn the titles needed to teach undergraduates, and incurred massive debt in the process.

Write your own damn papers.

Words Written: one hundred and eighty-six
Lessons Graded: irrelevant - I've failed far too many for plagarism today

burst into sunshine

The meeting with #3 was followed by a meeting with my advisor (may his good health and prosperity endure.) As usual, he asked the right questons in answer to my questions, and had some terrific follow-up ideas to what #3 had said. Unfortunately, this was followed by very bad news about two of my (otherwise unrelated) academic siblings. ("Sibling" is the unofficial name applied to people who share an advisor.) The two of us shared a moment of shock and sadness...

after which, I had to do a presentation on the new! and improved! Chapter One to a group of graduate students and faculty. You remember One - the chapter that I really didn't have anywhere near where I wanted it when it was submitted. I haven't discussed my dissertation with so many faculty all at once since qualifying exams; three-fourths of my committee was in attendence.

The meeting showed every sign of beginning poorly, with a difficult word-choice question from #4. Before I'd had time to say anything at all, another student leaped in with a truly brilliant answer... and that's pretty much how the whole meeting ran. Oh, I did some talking, clarified a few points, that sort of thing, but mostly I took notes and listened to the group refine and structure the very general and unformed ideas I'd thrown out. I'd been prepared for the grilling of my life, followed by several choice statements about my inability and unsuitability for the profession (not all academics think that trying to write like a teacher is a worthy goal.) Instead, my advisor (upon whom may the sun shine and the birds sing) called a halt to discussion twenty minutes after the meeting was scheduled to end. Back in his office, he conferred the ultimate compliment: my talk went "very very" well.

I haven't felt this confident in a "very very" long time.

Words Written: two hundred and four (#4 was right)
Lessons Graded: fifty-one (ouch! ouch! ouch!)
Books on Floor: one

a koala-free lunch

Well, #3 and I finally met. No Australian animals, tree-dwelling or otherwise, were present.

Note that I make no mention of lunch, as we didn't have that, either.

Despite having asked to meet for lunch, #3 was very slow to reply to my e-mails about little details, such as the time and place. Since I needed to be on campus anyway, on Thurday night I set up a meeting with my advisor (may he live forever.) Naturally #3 e-mailed me on Friday morning to ask for a meeting at the same time.

(sigh) We did meet. We actually had a pleasant and helpful conversation about the overall argument and philosophy of the diss. #3 had read the new! and improved! Chapter One and we discussed it a little, too. I took lots of notes and came up with some good ideas.

Ready for the kicker? #3 still hasn't read chapter Two. You remember Chapter Two - the one that I sent out in December. #3 didn't realize I wanted comments on it, too.

The day did get better. More on that, later.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: two

wake me up (before you Go-Go)

In case you haven't noticed by now, I am a firm believer in the "live and let live" theory. What is right for me may not be right for you. What to me is a normal situation may be odd for you. My ideals are not your ideals. My faith is not your faith. To borrow a line from Douglas Adams, why can't people be nice to each other for a change?

For many years I woke up to NPR. I was news junkie. I watched all presidential debates. I read every page of the Starr report. I followed P.J. O'Rourke. I may be a die-hard liberal, but I was a gosh-darned informed liberal. I was prepared to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I knew and understood (and sometimes agreed) with the Right. I was a firm believer in everyone's good intentions.

Was.

It's harder now.

Let's take the Republican Party at its word. They believe in private property, private privacy and keeping government out of our lives. Great - unless it's the Patriot Act and a list of all the books I've purchased in the last five years. Unless it's getting my ob/gyn records and removing my trust in my doctor, just in case I've been raped and not reported it. Unless I happen to be in a relationship with another woman, we hold property in common and want to make sure that the other inherits.

The news today included the story that the Indiana legislature has approved a gay marriage ban. We already have such a law, but this would be an amendment to the state constitution. As I understand it (from chatting with my neighbors, who love it) the act not only bans marriage and health care benefits, but inheritance, custody, etc. Pendng approval from the governor (as if that's in doubt) and a statewide ballot initiative (hardly in doubt) this is law. Big time law.

Privacy? property? end to big government?

I'll say it one more time, so that the neighbors can hear: my body, my choice. My property, my choice. My family, my choice.

You can legislate morality, but the 1950s were followed by the 1960s. Is that really what you want?

I can see clearly now

A while back my left contact lens ripped. This is a catastrophe; that lens has to be special ordered and takes something like three weeks to arrive. What with one thing and another, chapters to write and dogs to bathe, I was slow to make an apointment, and have relied upon my glasses for months.

My new lenses arrived today, and they're terrific. I have peripheral vision again!

Common themes are, well, common among Bloggers, even among folks living in different states or countries. We all watch/read/listen to the same news etc. Nonetheless, I was pretty amused to discover that Editor B is wearing contacts today and shares my delight in peripheral vision.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: two