do you suppose he drinks possets?

You are Luke Duke. You are sensible and charming.
You rarely get to drive, but you are okay with
that. You are hard-working and honest.


What Dukes of Hazzard Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I always preferred Luke to Bo.

Happy Hour (cheers!)

For a variety of reasons that would be far too dull to explain here, I looked up the dictionary definition of the word "posset" this morning. Thanks to my As in 19th Century British Literature, Medieval and Early Modern History, and having read my fair share of romance novels in which possets are used for nefarious purposes, I was confident that the word meant something along the lines of "a soothing and tasty drink, usually served at bedtime and probably containing either alcohol or opium."

Well, at least I was right about the alcohol. My seven inch thick dictionary defines posset as a drink made of hot milk sounds good so far curdled OK, having seen that verb it sounds rather less appealing with ale, wine or the like, often sweetened or spiced. Said word first turns up in the written record in about 1450.

I think I'll stick to sleeping pills.

I had a good writing day on Monday and a wretched one yesterday. Can't yet tell about today.

Books on Floor: twenty-one

I've got plenty of plenty

"Wait," called the mother of the child who has only read three of the Harry Potter books. "I have something for you!"

Ulp.

The something turned out to be a watermelon. Now, when I say "watermelon" I don't mean one of those partial watermelons that you buy at the store and that goes bad right away in the fridge. I mean a very large, intact, definitely oval and very long watermelon, one picked yesterday.

Wow.

anniversaries

Celebrating thousands of words written, even more lessons graded and countless books stacked on the floor. Thanks to everyone. I had no idea that this blogging thing would turn out to be so much fun and that I would meet so many nice folks along the way. You've no idea how much I appreciate your support.

Saturn's Moons

One of the great features (to my limited mind) of using Firefox is that you have handy access to the latest BBC headlines. "Really, I'm not procrastinating, I'm just getting caught upon the news and the latest cricket scores."

Every now and again they'll post an update on Cassini's latest pictures and how scientists have interpreted them. The latest Cool Pictures of Titan and an analysis of its atmosphere are up right now. Come on now, everyone needs a break from work every now and again.

Alas, a hot tub has not materalized in my office, but I did find some notes I'd thought lost and several back issues of professional journals whose reviews I can mine.

more follow-up

US Ambassadors to the UN

For the record, after a lot of digging around through my memory, I came up with six names and two "close but not quite" names. A quick poll among my fellow dog walkers came up with, as I predicted, an average of three names and a good guess or two.

Last night I dreamed about the people I examine in the diss, rather than the authors of the books about them. I think it unlikely that any of these people would actually turn up at my front door on a service call, but am delighted that they turned up to fix the hot tub in my office.

I've been grading book reviews all morning, and am happy to report that while some are better than others, all are improved from last time. My favorite phrase, "I thought this book would be boring but it was actually kind of interesting" showed up on several occasions, much to my delight.

several updates

Memo to Messrs Bolton and Bush: hop into Air Force One and visit a small American city such as, oh, Indianapolis. Watch while your assistants ask the first hundred people they meet to name a previous American Ambassador to the UN. I predict that few, if any, will be able to name more than three or four. Then ask them what they know about the UN. A little humility here, please, folks...

Shoe update: Despite the furor created by the Women's Lacrosse team at the White House, I opted for the sequined flip-flops.

Writing Update: it's going. I've switched energies around a lot today and yesterday, working on lots of different areas. This doesn't feel productive in the same way that writing 3000 words is productive, but one word plus another plus another will eventually equal done, right?

Words Written: lots of scribbles, wadded up and thrown in the trash can, but also some promising notes alongside the deletions

Books on Floor: thirty-one

of shoes - not ships or sealing wax, just shoes

Most of the time, I own three or four pairs of shoes: one for dog walking, one or two for teaching and attending church and a really nice pair for weddings and funerals. Oh yes, and a pair of good winter boots, since dog walking is a year round activity.

Last week I walked into a shoe store last week and purchased three new pairs of shoes. (I'd claim that Green Book is somehow to blame if I could figure out a witty enough way to do it.) I can't remember the last time I owned this many pairs of shoes.

Tonight I am invited to a fancy cocktail party and must actually gasp make a choice!

Green Book haunts me. I hope the author is happy. I dream about him in ways that I've never dreamed about any man. 'nuff said

Hope everyone is well - I've been ignoring my computer in hopes that brilliance would strike when least expected. No such luck, though I did recieve my first eBay purchase in the mail, an item so obscure that only Steven could guess it.

Best wishes to TRP and Swankette and all participants in the Wedding of Swank

Travel safely and may the appropriate blessings be upon you all.

time and memory

In July of 2000, I attended a particularly beautiful and all around fun wedding. The best man's toast included the query, "Hands up all of you who remember what you were doing on Valentine's Day three years ago," Boring person that I am, I raised my hand, not noticing until it was too late that I was the only one. Thsi is what too many years of delving into history does to you.

Anyway, this meme on CatholicPacker plays to this part of my memory. I ducked his last toss my way, so I'll pick up part of this one.

What I was doing 10 years ago:
Working in the corporate world and reading history books at every possible spare moment. Though training new hires and temps wasn't part of my official job description, it was a part of my job because the bosses had noticed I was good at it. Hmmm. Should have known then that I was doomed... I also had a lot (measured in feet) more hair than I do today.

Five years ago:
Attending a very beautiful and all around fun wedding. I'd passed my qualifying exams and daydreamed that I would have a tenure track job by 2003. My hair was shorter, kind of a flapper style do.

One year ago:
Pondering the pros and cons of starting a blog about my struggles to write a dissertation and how much I love teaching. My hair was even shorter.

Yesterday:
Spent a lot of time on the phone. Sam and I saw eight rabbits on our morning walk. My hair is now the shortest it's ever been, with the possible exception of infancy.

bravery

Today is the birthday of Lizzie Borden. (She'd be one hundred and forty-five today, in case you're curious.)

There are many kinds of courage. After Borden was acquitted of murdering her father and stepmother, she inherited a great deal of money. Borden could easily have moved elsewhere and started a new life away from the constant suspicion of her neighbors. Instead she stayed in Fall River until her death, active in many charitable organuzations, particularly the Humane Society.

lessons graded: seven
books on floor: fourteen

of books and writing

Copious comments in the e-mail today from Roger about the article and my introduction or lack thereof. He also offered extensive comments on the rest of the piece.

This is good news and bad news. The good news is that his comments are constructive and thoughtful, even if he does think that I should make more extensive use of the records in and (yawn) text of Green Book. The bad news is that there are lots of comments, all of them excellent and wise and that means lots and lots of revisions yet to be done.

By the by, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is amazing. I read all of it yesterday afternoon, and am almost done with rereading it. I'd love a third go, but Roger and the Hungarian Horntail win out. Like many people, I was incorrect in my guess as to the identity of the Half-Blood Prince.

Here's hoping for a 2000 word day sometime very soon. For me, that is: Rowling can take a few months off.

vow of constant vigilance

Twenty-four hours from now I will be reading Harry Potter. The predictable slip-ups have happened with copies sold early (according to Editor B this includes the Xavier bookstore) but I'm content to wait.

How cool is it that millions of people are excited about reading a book?

Then again, what frightens me sometimes is that dozens of people are excited to read my "book" and I'm still not sure that they'll like what they read. Even the bishop asked to read one of my chapters when I described the project.

I had a really productive day on Monday, but the rest of the week has just slipped away. Oh, I've done stuff, but have not cracked a diss book since Monday and have not a clue where I last left Green Book. I found Brown Book this morning only because it was underneath my coffee cup. I hate it when this happens.

It's not going to happen again. To push the Harry Potter image a bit further than maybe most of you would like, in Goblet of Fire Harry muses to Hermione that the best way to get him to learn a complicated spell is to threaten him with a dragon. My Hungarian Horntail is scratching at the door.


Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: fourteen

what on earth?

Seen on TeacherRefPoet





Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

I am? I mean, I was? What?

lemming did a bad, bad thing

I've blogged about the precocious neighborhood child. The PNC reads good books, is very savvy and gives ear scratches that Sam adores. Given that PNC has read or has had read to her all five of the extant Harry Potter books, I assumed that most children PNC's age shared this experience. After all, the sixth is coming out in four short days.

Another neighborhood child is usually out front when I walk by with Sam. Said child and I had a lengthy discussion about Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last fall and the child mentioned getting a copy of the book for a recent birthday. Foolishly, I assumed that by now books four and five had also been read or heard.

"Hey, Mizz lemming! I think name of person who dies in book four or five is the Half-Blood Prince, what do you think?"

I didn't think. I told the child that the possible candidate died - and in a sickening moment, looking at the child's face, felt as though I'd just told a two year old about Santa.

Making the Constitution

Taken from History News Network

Did the Founding Fathers Really Get Many of Their Ideas of Liberty from the Iroquois? JACK RAKOVE
Rakove's article

Editor's Note: On Monday July 4th the New York Times published an op ed by journalist James Mann that made broad claims about the influence of the Iroquois on American constitutional history. Specifically, he argued that the Founding Fathers were deeply influenced by Indian ideas of liberty and that our very form of government was shaped in decisive ways by Indian influences at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia in 1787. True? Others have advanced this argument in the past and even convinced NY State a few years ago to adopt this view in teaching assignments. We asked Stanford historian Jack Rakove to assess the legitimacy of Mann's argument.

Rakove's field is Constitutional History. His book Original Meanings: Politics and Ideas in the Making of the Constitution won the Pulitzer Prize a while back. Read it, it's terrific, but keep a dictionary and coffee cup handy.

In response to the NYT piece, Rakove writes:
The New York Times has just marked the 229th anniversary of American independence by allowing Charles Mann, author of the soon-to-be-published Before 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus to preview his book on its op-ed page. (By the way, am I wrong to think that the NYT has been doing more of this recently? Call your publicist!) Mann is a journalist, so we can expect the work to be something of a synthesis that won't tell historians much that they do not already know. But what disappointed me about this piece is that it recapitulates the tired and dubious argument about the purported Iroquois influence on the Constitution, and the more general proposition that important elements of Euro-American democratic culture have origins in "the democratic, informal brashness of American Indian culture."

Elsewhere Rakove notes that historians have come a long way in recognizing the interaction and importance of the interaction between Indian/White, Indian/African and Indian/African/White cultures. It's now unthinkable that we would teach American History at any level without recognizing these developments. All of my coursework, save those pointless French classes, included these themes. I've discovered, to my joy, that students expect to cover race and gender in even 100 level survey classes, just as a matter of course.

I think a far more powerful use of the Iroqouis' democratic ideals (they also had some great ideas about the role of women) would be in asserting that democratic ideals are not unique to a particular time, place or culture. (makes teaching note to self)

London

Last night I cheered London's selection as site for the 2012 (golly does that seem a long way off) Olympic Games and went to bed humming the theme to Chariots of Fire. (I'd hoped to be in Bloomington meeting Editor B but no such luck.) The G8 seemed to be going well, and Bush had 1) admitted that the world might be warning up and 2) had fallen of his bike. Any time that GWB is both right and humbled is a good time in my book. (Warning, political statement to follow: we all need humility, and I think that this administration refuses such emotions, dismissing them as proof of weakness.)

Sam woke me up at 4 AM. While waiting for him to conduct business, I turned on the radio, and heard about the bombings in London.

So much for jubilation.

Yet the sun still shines and life continues. As the British supported us three years ago, so must we support them. My rector sent around an e-mail this morning, urging our prayers for the dead, the wounded and everyone involved. Faith means acceptance, with the hope that one day we will understand.

dates, dates and not a drop to drink

When a trained medical professional writes "your next appointment is on Wednesday" on a little card I, an optimist to the end, assume that they mean "the next Wednesday after today, today being Thursday."

So I planned my day and my week, canceled a lunch date and followed all pre-appointment medical orders. I'm not usually one to worry about medical procedures, but fretting about this one woke me up this morning around 4:30 AM. (Though he offered consolation, Sam was pleased about this bout of insomnia, as it meant I took him for an extra long extra walk as soon as the sun came up.)

Naturally, the appointment is for next Wednesday.
(sighs)

On a historic note, I called Joe last night for computer help. Joe, probably out having a life, did not call back, probably planning to do so tonight. This morning, post coffee, I actually succeeded in solving my computer problem all by myself after an hour of scanning help screens. This may not rank up there with the polio vacine, but nonetheless bodes well for next Wednesday's visit.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a beer.

Words Written: none, but should find it easier to concentrate tonight
Lessons Graded: six

science rules!

gendered greeting cards

It's July, which meansthe height of birthday season on lemming's calendar. I tend to keep a small stash of cards on hand for such occasions, but none were entirely appropriate for any of the three male relatives who are "next in line" in the July line-up.

"Pas de problem" quoth I, using the French language skills that the History department insisted I acquire because they'll be "very helpful" when the time comes to translate the nonexistant primary source materials written in French that I will need for the dissertation. "Je vais a la Targette et, er, purchase les ecartes de nativitees pour les hommes avec les pommes frites, s'il te plait."

Now, I had a vague idea that most greeting cards were purchased by women, probably for women. I also had a vague sense that grandparents were also frequent card purchasers, followed by male significant others purchasing for female significant others. I had not realized that this means the cards available for me to purchase for these male relatives would be limited to:

1) it's your birthday so go out and get drunk
2) gosh, look at all of the candles
3) only old and ugly women will jump out of your cake

and, to my great surprise

4) cards with pictures of George W. Bush on the front

La Targette featured at least a dozen Bush cards, with messages inside from all angles of the political landscape. One of these cards did pass the "all right, this is kind of amusing" test, though not sufficiently that I would consider sending it to all three of them. I was hoping for a card with Barney the dog (son of Millie Bush) on the front, but no such luck.

Had any of these relatives been female, I would have had a great many more cards to chose from, including three with Hillary Rodham Clinton on them.

On a business note: the article is ready to go out, pending comments from Roger on the new and improved introduction, which should arrive tonight or tomorrow morning. In the meanwhile, I've just completed possibly the easiest freelance project ever to land on my desk, and certainly the most fun.

The microfilm requested in March has finally been copied at the other institution, but is now going through the proof-reading process, which could easily take another month or more and then there's the shipping process before it actually reaches my univeristy. Thus I am reluctantly contemplating a roadtrip this fall, followed by a series of all nighters and the reminders that I am no longer as young as I used to be.

a rather important day

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forevermore.
-John Adams, writing to Abigail Adams, July 3, 1776

I notice that Adams makes no mention of cooking outdoors and bike riding, the most popular activities in my neighborhood this weekend.

Naturally my wise and savvy blog readers know why he selected July 2. I'm always amused that Adams thought we'd celebrate the committe's action in adopting the resolution rather than its signing by Hancock and being sent to the legislatures. One of these is far more dramatic and easy to understand than the other. Great man, Adams, but sometimes lacking in perspective. This is probably why I like him so much.

Happy Independence Day everyone!

Saturn's rings

Oh my, this is so cool - cool I tell you!
news link

Saturn's vast and majestic ring system has its own atmosphere - separate from that of the planet itself, according to data from the Cassini spacecraft. And Saturn is rotating seven minutes more slowly than when probes measured its spin in the 70s and 80s - an observation experts cannot yet explain.

oops

Everything is formatted and ready, so I took one last look at the comments of my advisor (may he live forever.) Glad I did. I had somehow overlooked his "you need to scrap this introduction and write a new one" comment at the top of the first page. Oops.

Shleby Foote has died, at age eight-eight. The obituary on the History News Network site said that while Foote loved having his books, particularly his Civil War trilogy, read by so many people, he also feared that fame would change him or mean that he was taken less seriously.

On a happier note, I want to share my latest new word. I've mentioned the NPR show "Sez You" before. Thanks to this show, I learn about all sorts of neat words for which I have absolutely no use. Then again, what is a blog for if not to share such information?

owling: the act of smuggling wool or sheep out of England

Words Written: three paragraphs
Lessons Graded: forty-six

so sad...

I am very firmly in the pro-choice camp. I also think that this father is making the right choice. link to article

I would hope that if I slipped into an irreversible coma, was likely to die soon, and was 17 weeks pregnant, my family would do the same and do all that they could (medically and spiritually) to keep me alive until the child could be delivered safely.

Cynic alert: I bet congress ignores this story altogether.

sweating the small stuff

I think (think) I might have all of the revisions done for the article. I need to go through the comments from my advisor (may he live forever) one more time, and that will have to be it. I'm sure that any journal willing to print this piece will have a few things they want changed, too, but that's for later.

Now to do the notes. I am a geek and therefore read footnotes and endnotes and citations and I do judge a book in part by how much a) information and b) humor the notes convey.

This does not mean that I am any good at doing these notes myself. Oh, I can convey information and occasional flashes of humor, and I always have the correct titles and page numbers. It's getting the correct order for the publishing house and the location and the date and all of those commas that drives me insane. (who, me? leave comments full of typos on people's blogs because I forgot to proofread? Never.)

Naturally, the notation preference of the journal of first choice rejection is a variant upon anything I've ever used before. I'm sure that this makes the reading process easier for their editors and, hey, I need all of the brownie points I can get, so onward I go. If anyone has a spare diet coke or glass of red wine, please come by in an hour or so; I'll need it.

Words Written: whimper
Lessons Graded: sixteen

an active yet brief maturity

As per the vet's directions, Sam now eats senior dog food. Ths means switching from the green bag of Iams kibble to the attractive purple bag of Iams "active maturity." Generally I laugh at euphemisms for aging, but this one I like. (I digress.) (What else is new?)

The green bag (not to be confused with Green Book, which presently sits at the bottom of a teetering stack of other books I'm ignoring) is available in small, medium and large sizes. The large bag weighs something like forty pounds and is how I prefer to purchase dog food. Most other Iams flavors are available in this size.

Active Maturity in the attractive purple bag only comes in the small size. This observation is based upon a very small sample (three grocery stores, no pet stores) but I note that most senior, er, active maturity, dog food only comes in this size, no matter what the brand.

Odd.

Words Written: I hereby resolve to get the article in the mail to the journal of first choice rejection no later than July 1
Lessons Graded: seven

clean-up time

My desk, much battered and worn, has two zones. The "computer zone" contains, as you might expect, the computer, along with an assortment of pens, diet coke cans and pieces of scratch paper. Occasionally Green Book or its kin sits there as well. It's generally quite tidy, if you accept the argument that soda cans have decorative value.

The "other zone" is occasionally empty, occasionally tidy, but occasionally attracts an assortment of clutter that never ceases to amaze me. I knew that the latest round of comments from my advisor (may he live forever) was somewhere in the pile, and it was. To my surprise, I also discovered:

-a Renoir painting of a garden party
-three postcards, all sent from England, from three different people
-two clothespins
-a Ron Weasley Christmas tree ornament
-some post-it notes I filched from a temp job about twelve years ago
-an Altoids tin full of chalk

Words Written: four hundred and six
Lessons Graded: three

Alison's State Meme

All right, I'll join the state meme trend. It's gone through several variations, so I hope I'm sufficiently up to date.

States in which I have lived:
Ohio
Indiana
Illinois
Massachusetts

States in which I have spent lots of vacation time:
Minnesota
Wisconsin
Iowa
Florida
Washington
Oregon
Colorado
Washington, D.C.
Texas

States I've just visited overnight more than once, for various reasons:
Vermont
New Hampshire
Maine
Connecticut
Rhode Island
Virginia
Maryland
Pennsylvania
Georgia
Kentucky
Michigan

States I've Driven or Flown Through:
West Virginia
Delaware
North Carolina
Tennessee (I Think)

States I've Passed Through In Which I Did at Least Spend the Night:
Nebraska
New York

anticipation

Twenty-five days from now, I will be reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I just finished brushing up on Order of the Phoenix, which means I should move on to Chamber of Secrets since that's supposed to have strong background for #6.

As these are books on tape, it means Sam will get extra walks around the block, a delight for him as well.

Meanwhile I'm done reading about domestic violence, have defused some students' anger (they're still angry, but now know that I'm not the one who makes policy) and perhaps can think about something happy until dinner time... such as chickens wearing scuba gear.

Words Written: don't ask
Lessons Graded: forty-seven

query for the day

All right, wise and savvy and thoughtful readers of this blog:

Can chickens swim?

In the course of a long and roundabout conversation this morning, this question came up. It was meant as a joke, Naturally this means that I can't stop thinking about it.

Yours in poultry ponderings

quick homage to Julia Child

From Mastering the Art of French Cooking:
The maximum amount of oil one U.S. Large egg will absorb is 6 ounces or 3/4 of a cup. When this maximum is exceeded, the binding properties of the egg yolks break down, and the sauce thins out or curdles.

#1 - I wish that I had a use for this information. Really, isn't that kind of cool to know? Do you suppose Julia figured this out, or was it common knowlege in 1966 and just something not discussed in today's fat-free world?

#2 - What a great bit of writing. It's assumed that you know (perhaps from reading other cookbooks) what "bind" and "curdle" mean, whiich I also love.The advisor (may he live forever) would not approve of this passage, as Child writes in longer, more complex sentences and he laments my inability to contruct short & declarative sentences.

#3 - Naturally I now feel an tug to make some mayonaise at home. That's Child's gift. She was able to make people feel that cooking, even a dish with an impossibly long and complex name, could be easily accomplished if taken on a step by step basis.

Instead I will pour another cup of coffee and look at my e-mail.

Words Written: zero (sigh)
Lessons Graded: lots

wailing and gnashing of teeth

This just in from History News Network

BREAKING NEWS
***Plagiarism Charged Against Bryan Le Beau: The Chronicle of Higher Education has reported a charge of plagiarism against Bryan Le Beau. Sally Greene, an adjunct professor at the University of North Carolina's law school, made the discovery via a simple Google search and comments on her finding. The accusation is that Le Beau's Commencement Address at the University of Missouri, Kansas City, in December 2003 substantially plagiarized from Cornel West's Commencement Address at Wesleyan University on 30 May 1993. Greene and the Chronicle of Higher Education identify parallel passages. There is tell-tale evidence, as well, in the misspelling of the name of Toni Morrison, the novelist, in both texts. Le Beau denies he
ever read West's speech, but admits he must have borrowed the language from
somewhere.

You can just imagine how I feel about this.

UPDATE: A blogger has discovered that
Le Beau also borrowed in the same speech from Russell Baker.

C'mon PhDs. If we (and as a wanna-be I put myself in this category) can't behave with honor, how can we expect the same from our students?!

You remember them, right? The ones with whom we share our work so that they can go into the world better informed? The ones who might remember us and thus buy our books?

answers to questions

Questions have been posed that I have failed to answer. I will do so now. (grin)

1) Greg wanted to know something about the Whig Party. Organized in 1834, the Whig Party lasted until the 1850s (exact dates vary from historian to historian.) Henry Clay, one of my favorite historical figures, is probably their most impressive member, though two presidents (W.H. Harrison and Taylor) were Whigs.

The party's views and aims varied from state to state, apart from agreement that they disliked Andrew Jackson and his policies on the Second Bank of the United States. If they turn up on an exam, you'd be safe to say that they supported workers generally and were kinder toward anti-slavery movements than Jackson's Democrats.

2) Rob and Alison have both been pondering their reasons for blogging and what makes a good blog. I do not pretend to have a good blog; I blog about what's on my mind, and a handful of folks indulge me by reading it.

Chiefly I started and have a blog to keep me on track, to force me to show progress, while reminding me that I really do plow through a lot of undergraduate essays in a given day. When Topor, new to my site, asked what "words written" meant and why I'd had so many zeroes lately, well, that was a good kick. Though trained to motivate thers, I am less skilled in motivating myelf, so the outside influence of reader comments has been a huge help. I'm an extreme extrovert, and the solitary process of writing is very difficult for me. Having an on-line community is a much appreciated sanity saver.

What do I enjoy in reading another's blog? A little of everything, really - a little humor, a little politics, a little education. I like a blog that has a personality, hopefully one that reveals something of the writer's in the process.

3) No, present progress isn't what I need. I've been reading, which is good, but not writing. I'm staring down another stack of essays, the microfilm ordered in March still hasn't arrived and - oh, enough of my whining.

those who can...

TeacherRefPoet (who is much better at using teaching pedagogy terms than I will ever be) describes a teaching method in practice.

Just had an e-mail from a student, noting the F for plagiarism and asking what can be done about it.

"Think of this as a learning experience," quoth I.

"But what can I do to change it?"

I haven't yet figured out a reply, but now at least I know the name of the technique I'm trying to apply. Luckily e-mail gives me the luxury of time.

Words Written: four hundred and ninety-eight
Lessons Graded: seven

writing on my mind

I've been doing some hard reading this week. Green Book and Brown Book may be dull as wonder bread, but there's little within them to keep me up nights. Not only are they effective sleep aids, but even if written with a more dramatic & narrative eye, they would still not be all that upsetting.

Alas, I also needed to read some essays (many of them collected into one volume, thankfully) that survey the history of familial violence, murder and other such happy topics. This is much harder going and I notice that the authors cope with the emotional element by either adopting a very clinical tone (one akin to Green Book) or by really capturing the balance between trying to understand larger trends (how did familial murder rates vary over 300 years and what are some possible explanations for these shifts) leavened with pieces of truly tragic stories. Though aware of the horror, they don't shy away from commincating its depths, while struggling with teh impact upon the survivors and upon modern readers. I am in awe of the latter group, but understand the struggles of the former, too.

An older friend often asserts that domestic violence and abuse were far less common before 1950. Would that it were so.

Words Written: six hundred pages read in six days
Lessons Graded: three

it all comes back to food

1) Sam is not impressed by "active maturity" flavor dog food.

2) Last night at supper (a very nice restaurant) I had a thoroughly unimpressive soup with about 15, 000 ingredients and some portebello mushrooms with a three ingredient dip that were outsnading. Less is sometimes more.

3) The process of rereading (and taking notes on)Brown Book became far more pleasant when I added M N Ms. Note to self...

Words Written: lots of cutting, pasting and adding of links
Lessons Graded: zero (heh heh)

go away!!!

No, I do not want free passes to a golf course.

I also do not want a free estimate of what it will take to make my lawn look like a golf course.

I really, really, really do not want gutter covers.

Not that I want Sam to bite strangers who ring the doorbell, but it is tempting...

Deep Throat Revealed?

Vanity Fair claims to know the true identity of the inside source for Woodward and Bernstein known as Deep Throat.

I secretly hope that it's someone else. Something about having B & W reveal his name only after his death seemed right. This is just too close to the world of 24 hour news for me.

Yes, Topor, American Whig Party does discuss the No-Knowings, and at great length. Alas, I've had to put the book down. I'm trying to write - the deadline looms and, like Rob I feel a deep need to move on to the next stage of life.

Words Written: most of the way through comments made by my advisor (may he live forever) on a possible journal article submission. Having made said corrections, I'll mail it out.
Lessons Graded: eight graded, seven others failed for guess what...

I just can't hide it

I'm so excited. My new book came - well, all right, it's used but new to me. Can't wait to read it.

Then I realized - I am so far into academe that I truly must be a grad student faculty wanna be. (Emphasis upon "wanna be" - how many PhDs have read this book with enthusiasm?) The name of this new and exciting book? The Rise and Fall of the American Whig Party.

I am deeply lame. To borrow a line from John Quincy Adams, "I am an unsocial savage." I concede the point.

Excuse me - I have a book to read.

(throws green book gently against the sofa)

the numbers rise

As May winds down to a close, it's proved to be yet another month of hard news from Iraq. I have a lot of former students who are now in the military; presumably some of them are now serving there. Would I recognize a student's name if I heard it on the news?

Both sides thought the Civil War would end quickly, but realized after First Bull Run (sorry, I'm a Northerner and use the Northern names) that the war would be a longer effort. The news this morning mentioned soldeisr who had already served two tours in Iraq and were preparing to leave for a third. I don't think anyone anticipated such a situation after the first month of this war.

I'll allow the senate to approve John Bolton only on condition that he spend a week embedded with the troops, followed by a European vacation where Bolton meets with ordinary people and hears what the rest of the world thinks of America these days. Am I the only one to notie the report that fewer overseas tourists now visit?

Words Written: took last night and this morning off
Lessons Graded: six

beloved dog

Poor Sam yesterday made his annual visit to the vet. Sitting in the waiting room, he adopted his "I am a good and well-trained dog but that is the only reason why I am sitting quietly when we both know what's coming" expression. The vet, delayed by a previous patient, made us wait longer than usual, and as time went by, the poor fellow began to shake, ever so slightly.

The shots and blood-taking Sam dislikes, but not as much as having to stand on the table and have every inch of him prodded. Luckily the vet is patient and quick. Sam's health is excellent but, quoth the vet, "at his age, Sam really should be eating senior dog food."

Nine - my beloved canine is nine. (sigh) The white increases around his muzzle and tummy... but as long as he can resist the kennel cough vaccination, I'll know he's still in true spirit.

Words Written: doing quite nicely, havn't yet thrown Green Book
Lessons Graded: seventeen

important pop culture update

You know that commercial for St Joseph asprin, with a man singing about the various parts of the heart and how they work?

I've just learned that the jingle is sung by Anson Williams, aka Potsie on Happy Days. "Pumps Your Blood" was written for an episode during season six in which Potsie wrote this little ditty to help him get through his anatomy final.

The moment I read this, I instantly remembered the episode - the professor thinks Potsie must have cheated, so Potsie sings the song for the whole class. It's probably twenty years since I last watched Happy Days!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Wednesday.

Henry Clay Will You Please Go Now!

All right now, let's take this slowly, all you "all the way on one side or the other or else you're terrible" folks. The whole point of a compromise is that no one side gets everything they want. Everypone gives a little and takes a little (and your hearts break a little) and at the end of the day we are a stronger nation for it,

I'm far more concerned about the Surpreme Court than about judges in Texas. Texas gave us GWB and "No Child Left Behind" c/o the so-called Houston miracle, after all. Leave the fillibuster in place, for pete's sake and get back to something important.

Eight soldiers have died in the last 24 hours in Iraq, for example. This seems to me - oh, never mind.

Lemming the unwilling cynic...

here comes the rain again

Yet another dream about the slinky dress, the party and #2. I ran about 10, 000 errands this morning, and kept scanning for red lights so that I would have a few seconds to jot down the ideas popping into my head. (Of course I keep paper and pen within reach at all times, even if having a writing drought. I can be such a goof.)

In other words, this blog is serving its purpose and i'm actually writing again. This isn't the slow, tortured "come on, now, lemming, you can crank out a few hundred words before supper on point x" but the "holy blessed toledo, point x and person z are connected by event d! cool!" feeling.

Naturally this means that I had to spend the afternoon walking students through book reviews and proper use of there and their. Tonight, on the other hand, looks to be free as a bell. I do solemnly swear that I will not look at the tv listings to see what might be on American Experience tonight, lest I be distracted.

Words Written: nine 3'5 cards lined up by the computer
Lessons Graded: their = ownership, there = location

dream a little (academic) dream

Dreamed last night that I was at a cocktail party. I didn't know anyone there, but I was having a lot of fun anyway (the food was very tasty, though I can't remember what was served and what I ate) and people were asking all sorts of great questions about my dissertation. I even had on the sort of very attractive yet slinky dress that means I must have lost that ten pounds I've been working on, hurrah!

Then I turned around and #2 (who is as nice as he or she is smart) was there. #2 said that they had been thinking of e-mailing me to suggest that I go with our back-up plan (we have a back-up plan for the project?! fantastic! what is it?) but after listening to me describe Roger's version of the diss structure, this was the idea I should use.

#2 also wanted to have the completed dissertation available by Monday.

I am a huge fan of the NPR show Says You! thanks to today's show, I now know that "scruze" means "to squeeze and crush." This is a great word, but I've no idea when I'll be able to use it.

Words Written: ready for a big weekend
Lessons Graded: sixteen

nice work if you can get it

"Wow, Lemming, you're a really great teacher. I mean, usually I hate it when graduate students teach because professors are the ones who really know the material and everyone knows that grad students are stupid and inexperienced..."

No. Professors are the ones with PhDs. PhD does not equate with "good teacher" or even with caring. I have more teaching experience than many PhDs and several more teaching awards. I'm just cheaper to employ because the university doesn't have to give me benefits or insurance. If you want to be taught by PhDs exclusively, go to Earlham or Wabash. Yes, tuition will be twice as much, but that's because you won't be taught by doctoral candidates. You get what you pay for.

Oh, and that's Professor Lemming to you.

Words Written: Green Book sucks
Lessons Graded: after all, I'm only a grad student so what do I know about the material?

Go Home, Molly Pitcher

Oh, I do not believe this. What on earth? Repeat after me, America: it is not possible to return to our so-called mythical Golden Era (1947-1948) when men were men, women stayed home with the babies, the world admired America and things were perfect. (We also had polio and - oh, never mind.)

Congress is discussing, seriously, mind you, removing women from any position that might take them near the front lines in Iraq. Morning Edition's piece on this pointed out that there really isn't a front line in this war; one woman was killed while eating in the mess hall.

This on the heels of proposals to cut terms of enlistment from four years to fifteen months because it's getting to be difficult to recruit for the military, what with the war and all.

Oh yes, and even though the military is desperate for language experts, it's still essential that we seek out and remove all of the homosexuals in the armed services language programs. After all, what's more important, communication (and understanding an decoding etc.) with people who want to kill us or the culture wars?

Is Congress doing anything productive today? No. They're having yet another debate about judges and the right to fillibuster.

Several women took over cannons in battle during the Revolutionary War, and some were injured in combat. Ladies, on behalf of the deluded souls in Washington, I'm sorry.

Words Written: a few hundred
Lessons Graded: six

more on books

John seems obsessed with memes these days and tossing them to me. Nice to know that someone else struggles with writer's block on occasion.

Number of books owned
Ooo, wait now, this means I actually get to use my (pitiful even then) 8th grade math skills. Lesse, if there are about forty books on a shelf, times the number of shelves... (does some work on scratch paper) I've got about 550 books in my office. I have no idea how many are elsewhere, but I'd guess another 500.

Last Book Purchased
Princesses: The Six Daughters of George III by Flora Faser

Last book read
The Green Book and I'm working through Brown Book at the moment

Five books that Mean a Great Deal to Mel
One thing I did notice about the last book meme was that people tended to choose a few books they loved and then others simply because they were long and therefore time consuming and/or appropriate for kindling. Apart from the Bible, the other four books are all dissertation related, so I won't name them here. All of them, read at various points in my academic career, are works that made me sit up, revel in their pages, and want to "go thou and do likewise."

This from the lemming who hasn't had a thousand word day in quite a while. (sighs)

I'll toss this meme out there, for anyone who'd like it.

Words Written: that's next
Lessons Graded: seventeen

two more saints

While on a short break from rereading the less memorable portions of Green Book, I thumbed through a book of primary source documents collection in which women describe their experiences on the 19th century wagon trains. One woman remembered that when her grandmother saw an old man, with little of a house and wearing even less, the grandmother exclaimed, "It's the resurrection of St. Onuphrius!"

All right, Joe, Hugh and John, admit it. St. Onuphrius isn't exactly on your "Sainthood Top Ten" eh? All right, maybe he is and you're all far better read than I, but I loved the name, so looked him up.

St. Onuphrius was a fifth century hermit who lived in the deserts of Egypt for sixty years, clad only in his overgrown beard and long hair. For this reason, he is the patron saint of weavers. His feast day is June 12.

Meanwhile, one of today's saints is John of Nepomuk. He's partron of many things, most of them related to bridges, but is also "invoked against detraction." Huh? sez I, and off to the dictionary. "Detraction" is "the act of desparaging or detracting from the reputation or worth of a person."

Great word.

Words Written: the sermon is proving a great time to jot down ideas...
Lessons Graded: fifteen

I don't get it

John (CatholicPackerFan) sent this meme my way:

List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over.

My "peer group" is pretty difficult to define at the moment, but here goes. (I hope I don't sound too petulant.)

1) shoes
I am the only woman I know who just doesn't get excited about shoes. I like having comfy footwear and all that, but shoe shopping and admiration are lost on me.

2)Pinot Grigio
Yes, yes, yes, Sideways is an amazing movie and I really should see it someday, but the film seems to have popularized the Pinots, red and white. I dislike the white so much that I have no interest in trying the red. Give me a glass of Chardonnay any day.

3) Ford vs. Chevrolet
I'm throughly baffled by the enthusiasm that truck owners bring to this topic, including the little icons of a boy who used to resemble Calvin (of Calvin & Hobbs) expressing his feelings toward one brand or the other in a very, er, physical and dramatic way. I'm all for brand loyalties, but the frenzy associated with this one seems very silly.

4) Brad Pitt
He's not unattractive, but neither does he make me swoon.

5) contemporary phrasing of the Lord's Prayer
Don't like it, not one little bit - one of my students, a priest in training, tried to convince me otherwise by explaining that the contemporary version is actually older than the traditional one. Apart from the beauty of language issue, the critical word for me is "trespass." Debts are not always a bad thing. I owe several large ones to various people in my life, but none of them qualify as sin. Trespass includes the choices made, knowing that they were wrong (sins of comission) as well as the choices made, unknowingly, that had greater adverse long-term consequences (sins of omission.)

(tosses meme to Swankette, Hugh, and Alison.)

(Throws meme with great force at Greg. Now that the semester is over, we the Indiana bloggers need you to come back.)

Words Written: a few hundred - also eliminated some verbs. Almost threw Green Bookacross the room, but luckily remembered that it is a library book and desisted
Lessons Graded: seven really good, solid, thoughtful book reviews

double standard

I've graded ten essays today. All ten of them contained large sections lifted from the Internet. In hopes of improving my mood, I picked up the newspaper and discovered the follow article.

(sorry no link for this - iit's an AP story that comes from a paper newspaper, dated May 6, 2005)

Headline:FDA rules reject gay men as sperm donors
NEW YORK - To the dismay of gay-rights activists, the Food and Drug Administration is about to implement new rules recommending that any man who has engaged in homosexual sex in the previous five years be barred from serving as an annonymous sperm donor.
The FDA has rejected calls to scrap the provision, insisting that gay men collectively pose a higher-than-average risk of carrying the AIDS virus. Critics accuse the FDA of stigmatizing all gay men rather than adopting a screening process that focuses on high-risk sexual behavior by any would be donor, gay or straight..
"Under these rules, a heterosexual man who had unprotected sex with HIV-positive prostitues would be OK as a donor one year later, but a gay man in a monogamous, safe-sex relationship is not OK unless he's been celibate for five years," said Leland Traiman, director of a clinic in Alameda, California that seeks gay spern donors."

I have a homework assignment for the folks at the FDA. They need to read Luise White's The Comforts of Home: Prostitution in Colonial Nairobi. HIV spread in Nairobi thanks to straight men having sex with infected women while working for extended period of time in the city. When they returned home to their wives, the virus came with them.

Words Written: added some verbs. Where is my microfilm?
Lessons Graded: (rolls eyes)

oh, all right then...

Spurred on by yesterday's discussion, I did get some writing done again this morning. Green Book will serve the purpose Roger predicted, so now I need to hang the ideas around it. I came up with a good opening paragraph in church last Sunday (hope the rector forgives me) which I'd scrawled on the margins of the leaflet. I typed it up and added Green Book information.

The friend visiting England sent me a postcard rom the Richard III Museum in York. The front has several pictures of the 14th century gatehouse that now houses the museum, and a portrait of said monarch. Though the portrait would probably look majestic in person, when reduced to one inch by one inch, the most noticeable feature is that Richard's shirt is cut down to his navel, and he's wearing a very 1970s-ish necklace. Richard III, first of the hippies...

Best wishes and some oreos to Rob who defends his dissertation proposal tomorrow. Have you considered handing out popcorn or cotton candy?

Words Written: about a thousand (need to add verbs)
Lessons Graded: six (they're getting restless)

on neighborhoods

I've blogged before about the dog walkers around here. There's a core group of us who always walk our dogs, no matter what the season or weather. We all know each other by sight and sometimes by dog names. There's a lot of teasing that goes along with this companionship; I get heckled for walking so quickly, another dog-walker for his willingness to stop and talk to everyone and a third for somehow never remembering to bring along a plastic bag. With warmer weather, more dog walkers have headed out, but I expect most of them to disappear indoors come the heat of July.

My favorite is the man who loves to stop and chat. He's learned that I don't stop, so he'll do the laps around the block with me. He works full time, but also attends night school, so we heckle each other about teacher-student woes. We'd known each other about a year when we discovered each other's political leanings; I think we may be the only liberals around for miles. Last night we tried to solve the fiscal crisis confronting Indiana: education or medical care? We didn't come up with an answer, but it felt good to blow off a little steam.

Though my neighbors' political views sometimes drive me mad, I am very fortunate to live in a truly friendly community. If I fell ill, people would come by with casseroles, offers to walk Sam and general good wishes for my recovery. This wasn't all that unusual a hundred or so years ago, when members of a community knew that they depended quite intimately upon each other, but I think is much more rare today. Some of these neighbors know that I voted for Kerry and oppose the bans on civil unions, but it doesn't matter. We recognize and appreciate each other's good intentions. Oh, they may heckle me, but I know that I can heckle them and they'd still show up with chicken soup.

Oh, and to answer Topor's question - I struggle to balance being an instructor (lessons graded) and completing a dissertation (words written) that will qualify me to become a professor. There's great immidiate satisfaction in moving an essay into the "graded" pile and I am fond of getting a regular paycheck. On the other hand, the number of lessons graded per day, be it one or a hundred, gets me no closer to having Dr. in front of my name. Thus I try to keep a daily record of any "progress" made as I head closer to - er - the great cliff that is the academic profession.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: eleven

hello everyone

Though traffic varies from week to week, this blog continues to recieve no hits at 4 AM.

Sorcerer's Skull is still delightful with plenty of , well, spine-tingling moments. It's maybe not the most approachable of Bellairs' books for the average 12-something today, unless they know about Catholicism, but terrific for me. The local Catholic pastor becomes the book's second hero which is terrific. I confess that I did giggle when he pulled out a guitar and revealed that he knew lots of folk songs.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: eight

light reading

As a breather after plowing through Green Book and before I begin the joys of Brown Book I've been reading John Bellairs' The Spell of the Sorcerer's Skull. I thought I'd read all of Bellairs' works, so I'm tickled to stumble across another.

I discovered Bellairs by accident, as so often happens with great authors. Stumbling through the children's section on my way to the ladies room, a dust jacket caught my eye. "Hey! That's an Edward Gorey drawing!" (I may not be able to distinguish Monet from Manet, but Gorey I can handle.) Thoroughly intrigued, I checked one of Bellairs' books out, and devoured it in one sitting. Since then I've read and reread them.

Bellairs wrote in the 1980s, but his books are all set in the 1950s. He created several different heroes and heroines, but all of them live in small towns and have befriended older neighbors; together they battle different forces of darkness. Like all great children's literature, Bellairs has one eye on his story and another on his audience. For example, one hero is a Roman Catholic altar boy who often prays in Lation (this is, after all, before Vatican II). Bellairs includes all of the Latin, but then finds a way to carefully slide in a translation or explanation without making it obvious.

They're great stories and sometimes creepy as all get out. I'll go to Brown Book well before bedtime.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: seven

civic duty

Twice this morning Sam gallantly alerted me to the terrible danger posed by a cat walking through the yard. On both occasions his barks also alerted the neighbors, whose cats are exclusively indoor animals.

Good dog.

Words Written: holding pattern - need to break out
Lessons Graded: five

someone else's paradise

I'm following the up-coming British elections with much interest. Unfortunately most of what I know comes from listening to the BBC news late at night, so I'm sure many of my gut impressions are slightly off. Tony Blair's voice doesn't help me get back to sleep nearly as quickly as Bill Clinton's dulcit tones, for example.

Last night CSPAN aired the BBC's answer to a debate between the Prime Minister candidates. Each man had about half an hour to respond to questions from the audience and occasionally from the moderator as well. Unlike the 2004 debates in the US, the audience got to boo and hiss to accent their points - fun to hear hisses and applause at the same time.

Immigration, at least to my notice, recieved very little attention in our last election, and I can't recall hearing a single word about people seeking asylum. (Then agian, I live in Indiana, which is losing population, so I suppose we worry less about it than other areas.) Yet the topic came up several times, with lots of nuanced queries and pointed remarks. This, to my mind, was the most interesting part of the evening.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: two

time zone hurrah!

In keeping with my resolution to find the positive about current political affairs, I rejoice in the Time Zone news. All right, so some law-makers referred to it as "unncessary intrusion into people's private lives." They'e probably the same folks who voted againist civil unions last week. Governor Daniels may be gutting the already pitiful education system, but at least we will finally have a time zone.

A friend leaves this evening for ten days in England. Knowing that he'd have abundant time to pass after clearing security, he sent an e-mail to a few of us earlier this week, asking if we'd mind chatting with him via cell phone this afternoon. Sure, no problem - so we were due to connect at 2 PM. I neglected to ask about time zones (he has one) and am not sure he knew we were back on Central, so a little juggling had to take place on my end. I rejoice that such confusions will become a thing of the past.

I did watch part of the press conference last night. I got as far as 90 seconds (I timed them) of listening to George W. talk about why No Child Left Behind is working before changing channels, which for me shows great progress.

Speaking of progress, pencil mark person showed greater stamina than blue pen. I should have purchased Green Book from Amazon, as the marks are proving distracting. I secretly suspect Roger of being pencil, actually, but cannot prove it. I'm halfway through the text, and should read the tables sometime tonight. To all of you who will be out at the movies or attending social events this evening, I raise my coffee cup and post-it notes in salute.

Words Written: still no microfilm
Lessons Graded: three

holding pattern

The Indiana legislature was due to vote on adopting an actual time zone at 11:30 today, but I haven't had the nerve to check on their progress. I think we should have one and I vote for Central, but I'm not optimistic about either succeeding. Probably someone will come up with yet another so-called morality bill and sidetrack the whole process all over again.

I still do not understand people's resistance to this bill. One congressperson suggested adding a clause that allowed individual counties to vote on whether they wanted to opt out of having a time zone, no matter what the state decided. That's Indiana for you, folks.

Still trudging through The Green Book. The pencil marks from a grad student have been joined by blue ball point pen from someone else. Oddly enough, neither appears to have read the lengthy tables at the back which to me look like the most exciting part of the book. (Really!)

On Roger's advice I redid Chapter Two as a possible journal article. My advisor (may he live forever) sent it back to me with comments. He likes it, but thinks it needs a new introduction. Oddly enough, the advisor (may his good health and happiness continue) didn't offer any suggestions as to what I might say or change: very unusual. Instead he suggests sending it to the journal we chose and wait to see what their editors say.

Words Written: none, nada, zip
Lessons Graded: Fifteen to go and then the in-box will be empty

ain't necessarily so

After reading yesterday's post John tried to persuade me that in future I should make all exams multiple choice. (I suspect him of pulling my leg, but with John one never knows...) If I had a nickel for every time a student tried to persuade me that multiple guess was easier, I would be able to endow my own chair at the academic institution of my choosing.

Having experimented with multiple guess quizzes and one exam, I can state with great certainty that they are not easier. Whether students study less or are simply untrained in taking such tests, the grades are always lower, and I do mean a lot lower, than on the good old-fashioned "now you will write something" format.

Despite the explosion of writing created by blogs, I am of the opinion that good writing is an art, and one that we should all practice.

Speaking of which - I would write, except that I must first read. The Green Book is one that I'd checked out at least four times since starting grad school but never gotten around to reading. Now that I'm forcing myself through it, I know why; it's dry, far drier than it should be, given the topic. Yet since Green Book plays a vital role in Roger's plan for the diss, reading it and not just its reviews, I must and shall.

The library's copy is full of marks. For the first two chapters I blamed the undergrads. Then I noticed the occasional references to historians now only read by doctoral students and conclude that the guilt belongs to one of my peers. Shame upon you, whomever you are.

Words Written: (yawn)
Lessons Graded: twenty

blue ink (and black and green and blue again)

The bathroom of the English department at my alma mater had a poster tacked up with lots of ammendments to Murphy's Law. This being the lone decoration of a facility heavily used by English majors, all sorts of corrections had been written on the poster to fix the grammar, spelling, etc. Some of the corrections (and corrections to corrections) were funnier than the sayings on the poster.

For some reason I remembered that poster today when grading an exam. I always tell students that they should bring an extra pen or pencil to exams, just in case. This student clearly followed my advice, because on the second page the ink gradually grew fainter, only to be replaced by another color. This pen lasted a few pages more, then grew faint and was replaced by a third. In all, the poor fellow went though six pens.

I hear those snickers - no, it's not my fault for writing a long exam. (laughter)

Words Written: zero - where's my microfilm?!
Lessons Graded: almost done!

shiver in my bones

Massive thunderstorms hit yesterday afternoon and last night, complete with pounding rain and several bouts of hail. Despite all that I know about the devastation hail causes for farmers and gardeners there's something exhilarating about weather so wild. An appropriate event for Earth Day, no?

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: (sighs)

Evening follow-up: it snowed during my walk with Sam. Snow fer pete's sake!

nerd bliss

I subscribe to several academic journals. One of them covers my time period and is the "must-read" for all of us in the sub-field. Lately the issues have been, well, dull even by academic standards. By "dull" I mean "not a single article I want to read and only one or two book reviews of any interest whatsoever."

The latest issue arrived today, and I want to read every single page. All of the articles look terrific, as do the reviews, and there's a neat looking piece about an archeological dig that even has pictures.

I'm almost as excited about this as I am about the new Harry Potter book - almost.

(sips the last of the coffee)

oh, but this is wonderful

NewMexiCan has posted this video of a professor's warning to a student who stole his laptop. Skip ahead to 48:40 or so, though the rest of the lecture is pretty interesting, too.

Rachel & TRP - now we just need to get jobs as consultants.

By the way, I've just brewed a perfect pot of coffee.

running in place

The weather is very transitional this afternoon. A thunderstorm will break soon, probably sometime late this afternoon, so at times the air is cooler and the sky grey. At others the sun bursts back through the clouds and the birds get loud again. Something must be blooming, because the wind blowing in smells terrific. I love spring.

Very little progress of any sort by the lemming of late.

- Still no bathtub plug but I promise to visit a big-box hardware store soon.

- The end of the semester is nigh, which means another round of plagarists who are baffled that I can spot them so quickly. (Hint: when a B student starts talking about obscure political terms unrelated to the class, that's a good sign.)

- A friend took me out to lunch yesterday at the big downtown Indy mall. Though I managed to get there without incident, my innate inability to navigate meant that I had a tour of greater (and not so great) downtown before finding home. I though the streets named after states only ran east-west: oops. I did manage to stay in the right general area, which I suppose counts as progress of a sort.

- The advisor (may he live forever) is not happy with my latest written work. That is to say, he likes the ideas, but the execution isn't what he had in mind. I'd revise and give him rapid turn-around, except that there are papers of my own to be graded, and I'm being paid for rapid turn-around. I am getting lots of thank-yous from students which is always nice.

Speaking of which, a former student, now living in New Zealand, has offered to name a sheep after me. Compliment? I hope so.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-eight

the quest is the quest

I seek a plug for the bathtub drain. This seemed an easy errand, and I simply tacked "plug" onto the grocery list. Four stores later, I'm still looking.

I've discovered all sorts of really neat bathroom gadgets along the way through: special holders, designed to hold one toothbrush or one razor, a day-glo blue plexiglass toilet seat cover (very futuristic), all sorts of different baskets and bins to hold soap, contact supplies, bathroom cleaning agents, and magazines.

It's excitment enough to make me want to redecorate the bathroom, but still wouldn't solve the plug problem.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-nine, and miles to go before I sleep
Books on floor: eleven

Book Meme

Hugh at Three Bed Two Bath tossed this Meme my way - so here goes.

You are stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book would you be?

I've already got most of Pride and Prejudice memorized, so I'd probably brush up on that, while dedicating most of my efforts toward memorizing A Mid Wife's Tale by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. Probably lots of people would pick Jane Austen, so having some Ulrich around would be helpful. My memory just isn't strong enough to learn, say, a Shelby Foote Civil War book, or any of the volumes of Notable American Women.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Quite a few Victoria Holt heroes have caught my fancy over the years, yes... * blush *

What is the last book you bought?

Last book I bought or last I book read? (I assume that this means "books read voluntarily" as opposed to "books I enjoyed but wouldn't have picked up were they not dissertation useful.)

I've a pile of books that are "in progress" on my desk. The only one not diss-related is The Memory of All That the memoirs of Betsy Blair, aka the first Mrs. Gene Kelly, who became a Marxist and activist with a large FBI file. Last academic book read was a survey of domestic violence in American History. It has a rather disturbing cover and elicited a lot of curious looks. (Then again, I elicit a lot of curious looks anyway, even without a book in my hands...)

The last book that I purchased was Where the Bodies Are, a book about graveyards. It proved useful for killing a spider.

Five books you would take to a deserted island

Do the Harry Potter books count as one volume if I bring the boxed set?
the Shelby Foote Civil War triology
A Mid Wife's Tale
A Bible, probably the King James for the beauty of the language
a copy of the dissertation, so that I can make corrections, ammendments, alterations in peace

I'd probably also try to sneak a copy of Swiss Family Robinson along. Their shipwrecked time is handled with such grace and improbable good fortune, plus I might get some useful survival tips. Wait, if the diss isn't done it doesn't count as a book, right? So it can just be something I throw in the life raft alongside Sam.

Lesse, I get to throw this meme to three others? (ponders blog cross-over options) Rachel, Drewster and Steven.

words written: lots, but not enough - must have into in by 4
lessons graded: zero

I speak for the trees

I'm very fond of Jared, the Subway spokesman. A college classmate of mine turns up on a lot of commercials, mostly as a "damsel in distress" whose life is made instantly better by the product. Both of these folks have student loans to pay and I say, more power to them.

Did Mandy Patinkin really need to start hawking cholesterol-reducing medication?

The advisor (may he live forever) loves Roger's idea. We tweaked it a little yesterday, and now I have a lot of writing to do and a book or two to reread; he'd like to see the new introduction tomorrow afternoon.

My students are not going to like this.

Words Written: eight hundred and six
Lessons Graded: zero

coming up tulips

The first tulips bloomed today, a long line of them.

The mystery plants that I dug out of the neighbors' sandbox also thrive, which excites me no end. I must see about transplanting them sometime soon - I odn't know what size pot they need, but I'm sure they'll be happier in the ground. Still no blooms, so for all I know they're chives or prairie grass, but it's been a fun experiment in gardening.

I'm really hoping that Daylight Saving Time gets adopted today in the Indiana state legislature, even though I'd have preferred that we adopt Central Time as our zone. I still don't understand the argument that we shouldn't pick a time zone and stick with it because it won't accomplish anything. If nothing else, it will standardize television listings - right now you have to remember which networks think we're on Eastern in the summer and which ones think we're on Central.

Words Written: nine hundred or so (needs editing)
Lessons Graded: nineteen
Books on Floor: seven, not counting The Memory of All That

spare a thought

I've blogged before about one of the strongest students I'll ever have. Please spare him a thought today, as he started basic training this morning. I had an e-mail from him this week mentioning that he'd been working on push-ups and feared how the first week would go.

Words Written: zero - been reading things Roger gave me
Lessons Graded: zero

Yet another dissertation post

Sorry, here's yet another dissertation post. I'm obsessed these days, and finally making the progress I really wanted to make years ago.

Roger, one of my academic siblings who has managed to actually (gasp!) graduate, was in town yesterday. What I thought would be an hour of coffee and light conversation turned into three+ hours in which we broke my dissertation chapters down into sections and then into ideas and came up with a new way to structure the whole thing. Plus we outlined a new introduction that pulls in new material.

Did I mention that, in addition to being smart, kind, funny and devestatingly attractive, Roger knows #3? (laughter) The new idea is designed to thwart some of #3's objections; we also came up with a list of books that support the new approach. I now have until Tuesday morning to write the intro, mock up the new structure, and present it to my advisor (may he live forever.)

I don't like this new plan. It's not what I wanted to write. Roger pointed out that "want" is not what the dissertation process is about. I must write about a topic I enjoy, but in a way that the four PhDs want. I don't like it, but I can live with it, and it will probably be easier to write this way. It also means that Chapter Two could become an article, a thing much to be desired.

For all of you who wondered why so many professors are bitter and nasty, I think I may have the answer.

Words Written: (deep breath - here comes the plunge)
Lessons Graded: zero

happenstance

I've been revising today. Mid-afternoon, a large spider scuttled across my toes and stopped next to the trash can. Without thinking, I picked up the nearest book and threw it on top of said spider, crushing it. To my amusement, the nearest book turned out to be Where the Bodies Are, a guide to finding "rich, famous and Interesting" grave sites throughout America.

That's sites by the way, not cites.

Words Written: I'm in the eight hundreds
Lessons Graded: fifteen

little things

My daffodils bloomed yesterday afternoon, around 3 PM. Despite my inadequacies as a gardener, they survived the winter and looks fantastic. Happy happy

I'm quite partial to Rachel's latest student blooper. Yesterday, one of my students, who frequently forgets to cite his quotations, started writing about the many important historic cites in Virginia, such as Monticello and Gettysburg. No, not one of the better lessons, but it amused me, which is almost as good. I don't mind the C students as long as they're trying their best, and he clearly is. Maybe I should go back to calling them quotations again.

One of the faculty who showed up to my presentation two Fridays ago turned out to have a particularly great intuitive understanding of what I'm trying to do - plus is very funny and easy-going. I'll call this person #42. When #42 learned that a Chapter Two existed, great interest was expressed in reading it. "I'll be at a conference this week, but please send it along and I'll get to it as soon as I can." Having slogged through #3's comments (all of them critical) I'm looking forward to seeing #42's comments, whenever they arrive.

I should explain my comment dependency and fixation: I'm an extrovert, very strongly so. I figure ideas out by talking through them with other people. Sitting by myself in front of the computer, day after day, may be the traditional writing method, but it drives me bonkers. Having other people who can read what I've written and offer ideas is exactly what I need. Then I can sit by myself in front of the computer again.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: twenty or so

a house, a home

I have a favorite house on the route Sam and I take each day. In the beginning, I liked it because it was obvious no one lived there, or had for a long time. Someone kept the grass trimmed and the flowerbeds weeded, this being suburbia and all, but the bushes grew ever higher.

The fact that the rooms were devoid of furniture and quite dusty supported this theory, too. (Of course I looked in the windows!)

Me being me, I made up stories to fit the house: a ghost frightened everyone away, madwoman in the attic, heirs fighting over an estate, meth lab that had contaminated the whole property.

About a year ago, I started to notice activity, but only on the weekends and evenings. Someone cut down the gigantic pine tree out front (took two weekends and several evenings) and turnd it into sawdust. The very ugly front door was replaced by something pretty. At this point a neighbor drew me into conversation. She had no idea why the house stood empty for so long without a For Sale sign, but we agreed that the house and yard looked much better.

Late in the summer, the owner had a painting party - paint cans all over the front porch, friends laughing and waving brushes and beer bottles. Boxes for new appliances stood next to the trash cans. The owner made lots of little changes in the fall and winter, but with warm weather he's completed the landscaping and planted grass on the bare patches. When Sam and I walked by today, he was sitting outside, having a beer with a friend, talking about the baseball season opener.

Once so dead, the whole place now looks terrifically alive.

Words Written: one hundred and six
Lessons Graded: too many, but most pretty good

the memory of all that

I remember that I was small - maybe 7? - and I saw the cover of a magazine - maybe Time - with John Paul I, in state. Someone at church, probably a convert, explained that the pope was dead, but that the new pope would carry on his name.

I am no longer a child, and now there will be a new pope. I wish I could remember who offered that explanation all these years ago.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-nine

roots

Kermit the Frog hatched in the swamp. He then followed his dreams to Hollywood and became a television and movie star.

Which swamp? Where? Does Kermit call Florida home? Lousiana? I assume that he's from the East just because he and Fozzie take such a long road trip, and it includes the Rocky Mountains.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: three

creep, crawl, climb

Spring is creeping in. I like Spring because I can see, surprise surprise, progress.

Sam had a near-perfect day yesterday. The sun shone, which meant a good long sunbathe on the patio. The mailman delievered a package, so Sam could indulge in a good, long bark. Then the Precocious Neighbor Child came by, and scratched his ears for a good half hour. The evening stayed warm, which meant open windows, which meant lying beneath them at the perfect angle to catch each scent and noise until his nose and ears quivered with joy.

Today it is grey and chilly, so he's napping indoors on the sofa.

Comments from #3 on Chapters One and Two arrived today and my advisor (may he live forever) says that he's put Chapter one with his comments in the mail. I have about a month until the microfilm needed for Chapter Three arrives, so I should be revising. Well, that's theory, anyway.

Words Written: not yet
Lessons Graded: twelve

deep cleansing breath

Sory about yesterday's angry post, everyone. I stumbled across a web site (a really terrific one, by the way) that it turns out a lot of my students have been using. I don't mind that they use it, I mind when they copy it and submit the site's words as their own work. Hence the large number of Fs yesterday. The juxtaposition of their cheating with my own struggle to get the diss done so that I can go on teaching wasn't a plesant one.

Then of course I did my blogroll and read about the foolish girl whose name is now well-known for trying to get someone to write her paper. (Is this story real, or yet another case of the Internet pulling our collective leg?)

Now I'm calmer. One of my favorite historians has just come out with a new book. Most of his works have the kind of titles and covers that are best read in private, as they tend to attract odd stares. Luckily this one has a calmer title and a nice picture of a house on the front. Maybe he's mellowing with age.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: fifteen

to the plagarists

Four years of undergrad tuition: $25, 000 times 4
Four years of classwork tuition: $18, 000 x 4
several years beyond that while I write: $800+ per semester

That's not figuring what I spend on books, photocopies, diet coke, etc.

In my entire academic career, I have lied exactly once: I fudged a footnote on my undergraduate honors thesis, but I corrected it before the thesis went to the archives.

I read all of my own books and write my own papers, however silly the assignment. I've fought to bring excellence to the classroom. I assign books that are worthwhile, the best on the topic. I burn midnight oil to give students the most helpful advice I can. Though I may grade 50 or more lessons in a day, I read each with care and concern.

You say you're busy? I worked my way through college and my way through grad school. I passed or failed on my own merits. In short, I have worked my ass off to earn the titles needed to teach undergraduates, and incurred massive debt in the process.

Write your own damn papers.

Words Written: one hundred and eighty-six
Lessons Graded: irrelevant - I've failed far too many for plagarism today

burst into sunshine

The meeting with #3 was followed by a meeting with my advisor (may his good health and prosperity endure.) As usual, he asked the right questons in answer to my questions, and had some terrific follow-up ideas to what #3 had said. Unfortunately, this was followed by very bad news about two of my (otherwise unrelated) academic siblings. ("Sibling" is the unofficial name applied to people who share an advisor.) The two of us shared a moment of shock and sadness...

after which, I had to do a presentation on the new! and improved! Chapter One to a group of graduate students and faculty. You remember One - the chapter that I really didn't have anywhere near where I wanted it when it was submitted. I haven't discussed my dissertation with so many faculty all at once since qualifying exams; three-fourths of my committee was in attendence.

The meeting showed every sign of beginning poorly, with a difficult word-choice question from #4. Before I'd had time to say anything at all, another student leaped in with a truly brilliant answer... and that's pretty much how the whole meeting ran. Oh, I did some talking, clarified a few points, that sort of thing, but mostly I took notes and listened to the group refine and structure the very general and unformed ideas I'd thrown out. I'd been prepared for the grilling of my life, followed by several choice statements about my inability and unsuitability for the profession (not all academics think that trying to write like a teacher is a worthy goal.) Instead, my advisor (upon whom may the sun shine and the birds sing) called a halt to discussion twenty minutes after the meeting was scheduled to end. Back in his office, he conferred the ultimate compliment: my talk went "very very" well.

I haven't felt this confident in a "very very" long time.

Words Written: two hundred and four (#4 was right)
Lessons Graded: fifty-one (ouch! ouch! ouch!)
Books on Floor: one

a koala-free lunch

Well, #3 and I finally met. No Australian animals, tree-dwelling or otherwise, were present.

Note that I make no mention of lunch, as we didn't have that, either.

Despite having asked to meet for lunch, #3 was very slow to reply to my e-mails about little details, such as the time and place. Since I needed to be on campus anyway, on Thurday night I set up a meeting with my advisor (may he live forever.) Naturally #3 e-mailed me on Friday morning to ask for a meeting at the same time.

(sigh) We did meet. We actually had a pleasant and helpful conversation about the overall argument and philosophy of the diss. #3 had read the new! and improved! Chapter One and we discussed it a little, too. I took lots of notes and came up with some good ideas.

Ready for the kicker? #3 still hasn't read chapter Two. You remember Chapter Two - the one that I sent out in December. #3 didn't realize I wanted comments on it, too.

The day did get better. More on that, later.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: two

wake me up (before you Go-Go)

In case you haven't noticed by now, I am a firm believer in the "live and let live" theory. What is right for me may not be right for you. What to me is a normal situation may be odd for you. My ideals are not your ideals. My faith is not your faith. To borrow a line from Douglas Adams, why can't people be nice to each other for a change?

For many years I woke up to NPR. I was news junkie. I watched all presidential debates. I read every page of the Starr report. I followed P.J. O'Rourke. I may be a die-hard liberal, but I was a gosh-darned informed liberal. I was prepared to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I knew and understood (and sometimes agreed) with the Right. I was a firm believer in everyone's good intentions.

Was.

It's harder now.

Let's take the Republican Party at its word. They believe in private property, private privacy and keeping government out of our lives. Great - unless it's the Patriot Act and a list of all the books I've purchased in the last five years. Unless it's getting my ob/gyn records and removing my trust in my doctor, just in case I've been raped and not reported it. Unless I happen to be in a relationship with another woman, we hold property in common and want to make sure that the other inherits.

The news today included the story that the Indiana legislature has approved a gay marriage ban. We already have such a law, but this would be an amendment to the state constitution. As I understand it (from chatting with my neighbors, who love it) the act not only bans marriage and health care benefits, but inheritance, custody, etc. Pendng approval from the governor (as if that's in doubt) and a statewide ballot initiative (hardly in doubt) this is law. Big time law.

Privacy? property? end to big government?

I'll say it one more time, so that the neighbors can hear: my body, my choice. My property, my choice. My family, my choice.

You can legislate morality, but the 1950s were followed by the 1960s. Is that really what you want?

I can see clearly now

A while back my left contact lens ripped. This is a catastrophe; that lens has to be special ordered and takes something like three weeks to arrive. What with one thing and another, chapters to write and dogs to bathe, I was slow to make an apointment, and have relied upon my glasses for months.

My new lenses arrived today, and they're terrific. I have peripheral vision again!

Common themes are, well, common among Bloggers, even among folks living in different states or countries. We all watch/read/listen to the same news etc. Nonetheless, I was pretty amused to discover that Editor B is wearing contacts today and shares my delight in peripheral vision.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: two

no easy choices

Following up on a common blogging theme these days (Swankette is particulary good on this topic) the latest news reminds me why I have a Living Will. It's a very specific Living Will, with some ammendments that make it a document with which I am very comfortable.

I know that these added bits might make some of my family uncomfortable, but they matter deeply to me. If for any reason someone in my family tries to get the government involved, please show them this entry and tell them that I outlined what I wanted because it is what I wanted.

A BBC commentator claimed today that the husband wants life support turned off because he wants the multi-million dollar settlement won againist the doctors. You know, that's a great argument, except for one thing; the settlement no longer exists. Some of it went to her health care, but most has been spent on legal bills. (We can rant about legal fees later.) Try again.

I'm usually an altruist. I want to believe that the husband and the parents have stuck it out for this long because they are genuine and sincere in their beliefs. After all, the husband got a nursing degree so that he could care for his wife and understand what the doctors said. The parents have poured everything they have into visits and keeping the legal fight alive.

Yet I can't help returning to the feeling that this is an example of a rocky in-law situation carried to a very public conclusion.

Speaking of which, since when are the Republicans interested in undermining States' Rights? in getting the big Federal Government involved in our personal lives and freedoms? Since when do the Democrats defend States' Rights?

This isn't about the life or death of one woman. This is about politics and sound bites and people who cannot bear to be told that they are wrong. Bless the senator (from TN?) who announced that this story shows all Americans that whatever our age or health, we all need a Living Will.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: four

oddment

Latest dissertation dream: J.M. Barry has joined my committee.

I've been rereading the monographs upon which I've tried to model the diss. This is mostly fun, as they're books I love, but yet another round of taking notes on these books oes lead me to worry that I've taken these notes before.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-nine

of baths and sleep

Sam is clean. He's not happy about it, but he's clean. Why is it that his loose fur doesn't come off in a brush, but then fills the bathtub? He was still damp at walk time and I worried he'd catch a chill, so in addition to the indignity of being clean, he's now pouting.

No, I don't own a hair dryer, and I don't think Sam would have waited around for me to blow-dry every inch of his fur.

Is anyone else having a hard time getting blogger comments to work? Wait, if you are, then you can't leave a comment to tell me. Oops.

Hardly surprising that after the last push to get the chapter in, I've been sleeping a lot. I sat down at 5:30 last night, intending just to rest my eyes, and woke up again at 9, then went to bed and slept until morning. I haven't dreamed about #3 and the koalas for a while though, which I take as a good sign.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: thirty-one

acts of contortion

I took the morning's reading to the local library. My favorite seat (by the window, but not too close, so as to escape the draft) happens to overlook the help desk. Usually the librarians are enganed in library activities: helping people find books, looking topics up on the computers, coding new books into the system.

This morning, four librarians were standing in a little clutch, looking at the front cover of a paperback book. Suddenly, one of them hoisted another over his shoulder. The remaining two looked at them, then at the book again.

Turned out that the book in question has a picture on the cover of a tall and ruggedly good looking man, rescuing a damsel from some sort of distress by carrying her over his shoulder. Two of the librarians insisted that the angle at which the artist portrayed the damsel and the man's hand was physically impossible and demonstrated it. I don't think they realized that I was watching.

Weep for Sam - he is about to undergo that great indignity, a bath.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: nineteen

Five Questions

Five questions for Greg:

1) You've just dropped a dozen eggs on the floor, splattering the remnants everywhere. An impressionable young child is in the room. What are the first words out of your mouth?

2) What three songs did you last hear on the radio?

3) What did you have for supper last night, including beverage and dessert?

4) What's the title of the last book you read voluntarily? Why did you read it?

5) How did you select the title and topic of your blog?

Words Written: a bit of freelance work
Lessons Graded: forty-seven
Books on Floor: two

of dogs and snow

Sam is outside, barking ferociously at some menace I cannot detect. He's generally a pretty quiet fellow, so this threat must be something more than a passing feline or car driving by.

Yesterday it snowed off and on most of the day, snowflakes the size of quarters, blowing about in a driving wind. Driving home from the grocery store, I stopped for a a golden retriever who was crossing the street. I love to watch big, gallumping dogs walk, but this one was walking laboriously. The wind was fierce, and the dog swerved and veered around without any particular direction in mind. Even with cars coming in both directions, the dog continued to wander in the middle of the street for almost a minute.

I had a leash in the car, so I pulled over and got out. A repairman did the same, since he happened to have handful of dog biscuits with him. For all that the collarless dog moved laboriously, it moved quickly enough that we never got close enough to offer biscuits or offer shelter from the wind and snow. Eventually the dog disappeared into a shed and we gave up, hoping that this was home.

I love my dog very much - he really is endlessly loyal and forgiving, and simply having Sam around is a deep comfort. I do hope that yesterday's dog really did have a warm home, and that his return included towels and biscuits.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: that's next

transitions

Chapter got in at 4 on the dot. It's not what I'd hoped for, but it's in. Now to steel myself for the feedback.

I'm one of those teachers who, in additint o correcting mistakes, also litters student assignments with smiley faces and wry asides. Students think it's all for them, and I suppose in a sense it is, but it's also because every now and again I pour days and days (and sleepless nights) into a chapter and kow that my committee figures I'm old enough to take criticism without smiley faces or gold stars mixed in.

You can criticize almost anything about me, and I can take it without flinching, but I'm painfully aware that my writing isn't all that I could wish.

Having cleared the chapter and its associated books from my desk, now it's back to clearing the grading pile and (I hope) another freelance project.

Enough of my self-obsessed neurosis, you're all tired of reading about this topic.

Words Written: zero
Lessons Graded: zero
Books on Floor: zero

onward and upward

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
-Douglas Adams

I didn't get the chapter in by 8 AM, but I will have it in by 4:00. (sigh) Then I am going to take a verylong nap.

Words Written: several thousand
Lessons Graded: none
Books on Floor: none - they're all piled on my desk